Jul 27

How Do You Adjust Your Life When You Get Newborn Twins?

My Jacques and Stephanie aren’t twins. Jacques was born a few years after Stephanie came out. While they’re the best of friends (and sometimes the best of enemies), sometimes it bugs me to think that what if they were twins when they came out.

A friend of mine last week told me her story about her ‘twinvasion’ as she called it. She said she was both happy and almost petrified that she had twins growing inside of her because one: she didn’t know if her baby-house could handle it and two: the financial side of things will always cradle your head when you sleep.

She said the first few weeks were terrible. She had to mentally prepare herself for the possible troubles ahead. This includes a new routine and new budgeting. My friend also has a five-year-old son and a two-year-old girl, which spells much doom.

But she said every fear and worry washed away after they looked at the two kids who just came out. She came to know them and she loved them. Of course, you don’t get much sleep when it’s the first night you go with your babies.

Twins need lots of feeding, diapering and cuddling, which babies and mommies really like. Also daddies.

No new baby is really easy, mind you. But it’s always worth the time and love when you spend time with them. I could say that is true for myself. I love babies, I love them even if they’re older now.

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May 27

Is This You: The Modern Day Mom’s Expenses

Most Moms (and Dads) of the modern world will cut back from their budget to buy items for their baby. However, plenty are still thinking of the things they want to buy for their child.

Today’s mothers are faced with the prospect that you would need $200,000 to raise a child effectively. However, plenty of mothers, about 97.2 give advice to other moms about the products and services they have purchased.

Check out this infographic for more information.

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Mar 25

The ROI of Your Mom [Infographic]

In all honesty, I am against putting a price against people. But at some point, when you budget your resources, you have to deal with placing values on people, even those you love. A return of investment or ROI is a business term that gives value to things based on their capability to give back more than what you provide.

So, is it possible to measure your Mom’s ROI? Do you agree with this? As a mom, I’d like to retain an open mind. Putting this out there for information’s sake!

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Jan 25

Three Ways How to Speedily Recover From Your Sleep-Deprived Days After Childbirth

It’s the most anticipated day after nine months of carrying your child. You’re about to become a mother. You’ve just met him or her and you couldn’t be happier to see a little you looking up at you.

However, in my own experience, after two months would be your sleepless nights trying to take care of your little one. You’ll become a “zombie mom” after three months of trying to take care of your little baby. However, there’s a way to ensure that you don’t get deprived of sleep.

  1. Delegation of Work

Your husband is a busy man. My husband was a busy man. But you may not know it, but he’s really willing to help take care of your newborn. However, during the best days of our childbearing years, he took the morning shift for me while I was sleeping. He would take my little son Jacques and move him around to ensure that he gets sleep and the nourishment he needs at an unholy time during the night.

  1. Pump Your Bottles

I know how it hurts when your breasts become sore due to being too full. However, if you fill up enough bottles with milk from yourself, you’ll be able to have your husband to the task for you. Many husbands would be willing to do that for their wives, if they really love them that is.

  1. Take Naps

It would be best if you go along the route your baby’s sleeping pattern goes. When you get to sleep together, chances are you’ll get a good rest together. In that way, you reduce the stress of being a mother.

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Nov 27

Encourage Your Children To Be Better Learners, Not Students.

I once met the biggest challenge to parenting I’ve ever faced. When Stefan and Jacques got home with bad grades, they feared I would scold them. Apparently, they saw a child’s parent scolding him for having lacklustre grades.

I was taken aback myself. I was a bit disappointed because our genes were supposed to have above-level intelligence quotients. Instead, I composed myself and asked them.

“Are you interested in what you’re learning?”

To which replies were two headshakes.

Formal education is needed because it affords a person an employment opportunity in a business. But I was looking to see my children learn the things they want, not the things they couldn’t use in the future.

Instead of scolding them, I told them.

“You know, you will need good grades for your future employment. Right now, your focus might be pleasing yourself and your friends first.

“I wouldn’t scold you for bad grades. I know you’re both trying your best. I will not have any control over how you take your education. However, I encourage that you two become better learners. You don’t need to be a better student. All I want is for you to learn things that you’ll need once you get out of school.”

They realised that I will never scold them and that I would just encourage them to do better next time.

Violent resolutions are a big no for me following this little challenge. I am thankful that it happened.

How would you have handled the situation?

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Oct 28

Three Things To Know About Surviving As a Single Mother

Raising two kids isn’t a joke. I have metaphorically broken my back just to get my kids in school with a low-paying job. There are upsides to being a single parent, but if the downsides get to you first, you might fear being one. Here are a few things I learned on the way to becoming a good and successful single mother.

 

1.  Pay Attention To Yourself

 

I had a eating problem when I first learned that my body carried Jacques right after their father left me. This eating problem worsened following the news. I didn’t eat too much. At most days, I would never get enough sleep. I was so worried about the kind of future I could give them on my own. It is essential to pay attention to yourself. It is truly a disaster to manage one’s self, but it is the best way to manage any situation effectively.

 

2. Find People Who Could Help You.

 

A neighbourhood without an old or middle-aged couple is not a normal neighbourhood. I had Aunt Tessa for my own advisor when I bore Jacques to the world. Aunt Tessa told me that taking care of kids is more than just love and work. It means sharing time together whenever possible and advising them on their behaviour. Then, I met Sarah, a new neighbour who was also a single mother raising a kid my Jacques’ age during that time. Being with them helped me because it felt that I wasn’t alone with my predicament and I had people to help me.

 

3. Don’t Envy Entire Families

 

At one point, I couldn’t help yearning for help from the father of my children. It was difficult to manage two kids on my own. I often saw couples walking together, their child in a crib bashful with the way things are going. But for me, I was to endure all of it alone. However, I don’t envy them anymore. Upon realisation, handling two kids isn’t too bad because I could decide what to do with them by myself without arguing with anybody else. Crucial home decisions are easier to manage too.

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Sep 18

Three Simple Businesses Mothers Can Do

I may run a laundry centre as a manager, but I’ve had my fair share of ideas for making a business. Before the owner and I became good friends, I’ve worked with several ideas to support my two children. You may find some use for them, and here they are.

  1. Recipe

Every family has a special recipe and it tastes very delicious. A cooking and dining business works in two ways. First, you may have an ancient recipe that is unique and many people, including other people aside from neighbours, very tasty and of high quality. Second, you may create a great number of meals that are tasty, but of a small price. However, during this time, I couldn’t implement my ideas (we had a special casserole recipe that I gave for free to beach goers, who said they loved it) because they were quite expensive.

  1. Mommy Blogs

This is a business of mine, it may not look like it or it may seem like I’m just sharing information most mothers already know, but this is a business. Of course, it has my personal side, and if you find my blog reliable, then you help me earn my keep. You haven’t spent anything, but I am already earning from my advertisers and sponsors. Blog about your interests and you should find an affiliate who will pay for ever site traffic you have.

  1. Entrepreneur Assistant

A starting entrepreneur will require all the help he or she could get, and offering your services at a minimum wage earns you greater passage to entering higher ground when the business gains footing. If it works out, you would become an integral part of the business too. The best thing about it is that you could just do it at home, online.

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Aug 26

Even Single Mothers Don’t Wish to Be Rich.

It is true that money can make things easier, especially for a single mother like me. It is tiring to take care of two kids and raise them with enough resources to guarantee their future. However, it is a different learning experience for your children and for yourself if money is quite difficult to produce at such a time.

My two kids and I shared a small room apartment that I had rented for a feasible sum as the landlord was kind. I had a work as a waitress in London and it paid well. Meanwhile, my two children studied in the public schools. With welfare and some of our earnings, we managed to make it night after night. We may not enjoy some luxuries, but we learned how to produce our own.

Jacques, being unable to buy some good toys during his age, would ask me to buy him some. At this time, some of my neighbours taught me how to create toys that impart learning, not just enjoyment. I honed my skills at papercraft and papier mache, to which both me and Jacques enjoyed doing. Today, he claims that it sparked his creativity.

Meanwhile, Stephanie found enjoyment in creating structures using blocks and leftover LEGO blocks from our neighbour to nourish her imagination. Eventually, she said this inspired her to have architecture as her primary course.

If I had lots of money, my two children will not be as creative or who they are simply because they will be different versions of themselves. These values we have learned having nothing is the most important treasure of all that not even money could buy.

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Jul 18

Would I Rather Have a Son or a Daughter?

In some countries, culture dictates the type of family you should have. A family in the western world, as where we are, acknowledges the value of both male and female offspring, as they have all the chance in the world to prove themselves and the opportunities are equal, somewhat. However, in other parts of the world, female offspring have no chance of surviving a harsh and cruel reality forged by elderly belief.

I do not condemn these practices, but culture and society have an effect on the formation of families in the world. However, the last say always remains with the parents. Some couples want to have a son alone, because he could provide for himself and have greater opportunities and strengths. Some want daughters, because they can manage for themselves and prolong the culture and values taught by the couple to their offspring.

However, if you ask me, I would never reverse my decision to have both Jacques and Stephanie. Both are dear to me. Before I gave birth to them, I wanted only one child, a male one.

The cynic in me had seen inequality in gender pay, harassment of women in workplaces, even in the western world, and other things I have experienced firsthand that I would not want my daughter born into such a cruel world.

However, when I was given a daughter, I saw what she was for who she was. She was a kind spirit, and a different child altogether than having a son. Jacques was more adventurous, Stephanie was more discreet, yet thoughtful. She was focused on making herself useful, while Jacques always assumed responsibility.

A daughter is a reflection of the mother, and my Stephanie reflects me well. She would grow into a proper person, definitely.

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Jun 19

The Difficulties of Being a Single Mother

As I see my children grow up, I could not help but see myself a proud mother. I have worked all my life to give them the comforts they need, and I know I have given enough tolerance for some of the errors they make. I do give them advice, and we resolve it together, not just Jacques or Stephanie alone. I love my children as they are a reflection of me.

However, when you ask a mother what she would really want to be, I do not know how to answer. Right now, I am in the best place a woman could be; loved and respected by her children who are doing well on their own terms. A single mother must become a father and a mother at the same time. Sometimes, I have some difficulty understanding the maturity of Jacques, as he is a boy, and I do not know how to open up to him about “man” problems because I only had “woman” problems.

But then, he finds himself in touch with his own “maleness” in the company of right friends. Groups of male friends could play it quite rough (he had come home with some injuries to his face, but just said it was because they played soccer and some other contact sport), but that is part of the experience.

One more difficult thing about being a single mother is when you realize that your children are growing up. In six years, Stephanie will be leaving home to live alone for college. Jacques will do the same as well. Then one will be left alone.

But I’m not too worried. I raised good kids. Despite what happens to them, I’ll always be here for them. However, one cannot help the separation anxiety that comes with it.

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